Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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