On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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