Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its about making memories worth repressing
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
