I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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