obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i think my cat just said my name.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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