I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
