God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
