his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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