There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
