I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
