I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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