talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
