All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
