I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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