I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
