So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would ride that face into the sunset
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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