guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
