Betty ford says i'm here all night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
