He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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