I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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