Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
