dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
