had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just high enough for therapy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
