so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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