If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
