STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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