So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
