The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
