Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
