Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize