I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
