I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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