Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
