It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
