You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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