just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
