i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
