So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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