It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
