Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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