i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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