I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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