I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
