I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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