Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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