I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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