she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
