Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
