your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize