handjob tips. give me some.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
