After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
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He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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