You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
