We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
