how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
