i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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