Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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