a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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