no, he came in my armpit
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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