i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
