True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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