Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
