I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
