K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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