i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
