True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
