So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
