Say something about gay babies.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
