I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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