20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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