So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
