so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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