Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
