it's like heaven, but drunker
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
