2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
