Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
