I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
