Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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