a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just made my gag reflex go away.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He? As in you personified your dick?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
