You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
