Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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