You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
